I was 15 years old.

FILE: NOVCOTT > Memory

1/13/2023 - 3:19PM

At the time, I was unaware of the glitchy emotions, though I sensed something was wrong. Often feeling empty, I would think to myself, “Maybe I just enjoy being sad.” Now, I understand the depth of what I was going through.

I was 15 years old, waking up every morning to sit in front of my old, slow HP 15-r036tu laptop that sat by the window. I recall the blue theme of my computer—not the futuristic tones of today, but something more muted. I would sit there, watching the cloudy, yet blue sky while studying Duolingo for fun, all the while tweeting on my old Twitter account about the most trivial things, laughing at absurd humor that still resonates with me today.

It was a lonely time, despite having 30 followers who would like my tweets. I wonder now—if I were to return to that version of myself—would people like me more?