Sunday (still thinking about the cute boy).
I believe I may be developing a small crush with the boy I spoke to last Friday. For the sake of simplicity, I shall refer to him as Lu.
Out of curiosity, I attempted to search for him on social media. Unfortunately, the only profile I was able to locate belonged to one of my classmates—someone who carries a rather inflated sense of self-importance when it comes to academic matters. I must admit, I do not particularly like him.
I had overheard Lu's surname at one point, but due to the fact that both he and this classmate share the same first name, it was difficult to determine which individual I had actually found. At one point, I came across a Twitter account I presumed might belong to Lu; however, upon seeing that it followed numerous porn accounts, I felt a subtle wave of disappointment. A part of me brushed it off with the resigned thought, "Perhaps men are simply like this", though I still refrained from drawing any definitive conclusions.
Last Friday, I happened to glance at Lu's phone and noticed a profile picture—an image of a cat with a rainbow beneath it. The username was quite distinct (though I will refrain from mentioning it here), and based on that detail, I believe I may have identified his actual account. Yet, I cannot be entirely certain. I chose not to stalk his following list or delve too deeply. Strangely, despite not being certain of my feelings for him, I sensed a tinge of jealousy—an emotion I did not expect to experience, especially given that I do not believe I harbor romantic intentions toward him. Still, something about him lingers in my mind.
And yet, I must admit—it evokes something within me. I sense that this fixation may be my mind's way of attempting to erase everything that has happened to me, by directing its focus onto someone new. There is a part of me, admittedly, that feels compelled to stalk him tomorrow—to watch from a distance, perhaps even follow him around. I am aware of how unsettling that sounds, and I cannot justify it. Still, I believe I may go through with it. Even if it is, by all accounts, profoundly wrong.