Today marked the first day at what genuinely feels like my first job. To my surprise, it was not nearly as difficult as I had anticipated; in fact, I find myself sincerely excited at the prospect of earning money and finally seeing something reflected in my bank account. I am particularly eager to purchase some mizuiro kaiwai clothing—pieces I have desired for well over a year and a half. Unfortunately, many of these items are rather expensive, and with prices rising, they are likely even more so now. Aliexpress, which I once considered affordable, has also seen price increases. For this reason, I have recently begun turning to Temu. While I would not recommend purchasing electronics there if one is seeking quality, I have found joy in the retro or late-2000s/early-2010s items they offer. Their lack of quality does not deter me; on the contrary, it is precisely what makes them charming to me. ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

My thoughts have been preoccupied with a photograph of Jazmin Bean, where they appear wide-eyed and surprised, wearing large black contact lenses. At present, that image is my greatest inspiration. I want to take risks with my appearance—to be visually bold, regardless of how others may perceive me. I've already started making changes: I shaved off half of my eyebrows and cut my bangs. At university, I received many stares—perhaps even more than I did when I once had black sclera eyes.

That said, I have felt rather uneasy revealing my true self. There is a persistent fear that I may relapse into unhealthy patterns. I worry that creating this website could inadvertently trigger another identity crisis, even though it was intended as a place where I could express my most authentic self. Being i026 feels like a mental tug-of-war. That version of me was both my best and worst self. It allowed me to comfortably "perform" a persona—mentally ill yet aesthetically pleasing—while addressing topics that might otherwise be too sensitive or difficult. And I admit, I enjoyed being that "character". But I now understand that the identity of i026 is not healthy for me. For this reason, I have distanced myself from my previous channel, prioritizing my mental well-being.

There is an undeniable discomfort in returning to this identity. While it provided a shield from vulnerability, I am learning that vulnerability, though frightening, is also liberating. My mind feels chaotic, even when my external life appears calm and manageable.

I also feel strongly that this website should not revolve solely around Lu. At first, the UNI-1028/1028 PROJECT was conceived as a dedication to him. But I've come to understand how unhealthy that was—especially considering that this project is supposed to be about self-discovery and healing. Obsessing over others has always been a personal struggle, and shaping the site solely around Lu made me feel as though I were abandoning my own development. That is why I revised UNI-1028's "About Me" section. It once stated that the project was devoted entirely to Lu and the emotions I harbored for him, but now it has transformed into something more honest—about me, about my more human self.

Lu is still present within these pages because he has genuinely helped me through many difficult times. He has been a positive influence and a part of my healing, unlike someone else I once knew. I have a tendency to lose myself in others. When I communicated with a 30-year-old man from Argentina, I invented an alter ego—i124—as a coping mechanism. With Lu, I became UNI. But I don't want to repeat the mistakes I made with i124. I want UNI to be something different—something good. Looking ahead, my goal is to continue healing, and ultimately, to become Narendil Ivanneth. I want to live as my truest self, unafraid. Though UNI is still an alter ego, it is the identity that most closely resembles who I really am.

Also, I nearly forgot to mention—we're about to eat pizza in a few minutes.