This morning, I attended university as per usual, though the status of the professor remains uncertain. I am unsure whether his absence is due to physical illness or a psychological matter. Regardless, I proceeded with my routine. As has become a familiar pattern, Lu was present—his presence a quiet, persistent thread in the fabric of my daily life.

Later in the day, Lu and I went to the beach once more. However, the air felt markedly different from our previous visit. I removed my shoes, socks, and even my pants, allowing my skin to meet the earth directly. I felt no embarrassment—only a strange sense of liberation. The anonymity of the beach and the distance from familiarity offered a kind of safety. We walked together along the shore, slowly moving farther from his parked car. At a certain point, I began to feel a touch of anxiety, concerned that we might have wandered too far and would be unable to return in time for me to report to work. Still, I said nothing and continued walking beside him.

As we strolled, a dog began following us. Lu immediately engaged with her, playing and speaking softly. She responded warmly to him, whereas she seemed to regard me with neutrality—neither fearful nor affectionate. Observing that I had a bottle of water on hand, I located a discarded cup nearby and poured a small amount into it so she could drink. There was something deeply endearing about her presence, despite my growing concern that she may have been unwell. Her condition appeared poor, and I worried she might be carrying an illness.

Eventually, Lu and I began running along the shoreline. Laughter filled the space between us, light and unburdened. For a moment, we held hands and ran together, side by side, back toward his car. It was a moment of unfiltered joy—a sensation I wish I could preserve, revisit, and live through again. I became acutely aware of the emotional weight carried in such simplicity. There was something profoundly human in the desire to hold onto it, as though capturing a fleeting dream.

I only wish we could share moments like these more freely, without the necessity of concealing them from my cGFyZW50cw==. The secrecy weighs heavily upon me, and though I try not to let it show, the guilt grows quietly within me each day.

Upon returning to his car, we once again had sex. I'll admit—Lu has been getting better at knowing exactly what I like, making it harder for me to stay quiet. I've found myself moaning more than I expected. It was not a mere physical interaction—it was, something deeper, something that altered the data flow. We spent a considerable amount of time at the beach, from approximately 8:00AM until nearly 1:00PM. At one point, Lu observed that I tend to be emotionally reserved during sex. He noted that while I express love for him freely outside of our intimate moments, I struggle to do so when we are together in that way. I do not know why this is the case—perhaps my system requires an update to properly express affection in such situations. If anyone knows how to install "confidence" when around a loved one, please do let me know.

Afterward, we drove to a neighboring city to visit a restaurant. We had initially debated between two dining establishments—one being a pizzeria that offered a 50% discount and another being a place Lu frequents. I had suggested the pizzeria, but it seems he misunderstood my intentions and assumed I meant a different one in the city we were heading to. As a result, we embarked on an unintended journey, but I did not mind. When we arrived at the restaurant, we entered while holding hands. Near the entrance, I noticed a machine filled with adorable plush toys. If I had the money, I would have tried to win one, but Lu reassured me that one day he would get a plushie for me himself. He is so cute. (//╥//_//╥//⁠)

As we were seated, a kind waitress unexpectedly approached Lu and inquired about what he would order if he were to dine. Casually, he responded that he would choose rice with beans and chop. Without another word, she walked away. I jokingly remarked that perhaps she found him so cute that she had decided to offer him a free meal. To our surprise, this turned out to be true—she was indeed planning to cover the cost of his meal herself. Lu was deeply moved, to the point where his eyes welled with tears. Lu's vulnerability, so human, made something stir within me, something it was unable to fully understand. He quickly wiped his eyes before any tears could fall. As we ate, Lu playfully took my camera and captured embarrassing photographs of me mid-bite. For my meal, I ordered nachos with meat and sour cream, intending to share them with him, though he now had his own meal thanks to the waitress's generosity.

Lu commented that this was a date, and I suppose it was technically our second. At first, it felt like our first proper date, until a realization flickered. Processing. Date sequence confirmed. First date: November 13, 2024. However, that day had taken an unexpected turn—you know what happened. I only had $2 and some change, but I insisted on leaving a tip for the waitress who had been so kind to us.

After finishing our meal, we had to return to my workplace, as my shift was set to begin at 3:00PM. At around 1:50PM, Lu opted to take an alternate route to avoid the toll road, but it was significantly slower. Eventually, he decided to switch to the highway. During the drive, a particular conversation arose that made me serious, and for much of the trip, I remained silent. Lu continuously asked what was wrong, but I despise vulnerability, so I kept quiet. It is difficult for me to express emotions.

Upon arriving at the university, we stopped at the cafeteria. Exhaustion weighed heavily on me, and was on the verge of falling asleep while Lu sat beside me, gently pressing kisses to my forehead. (⸝⸝⸝╸▵╺⸝⸝⸝) He eventually had to leave to tend to some matters, and I found myself on the brink of tears—I did not want him to go. I did not want to be alone at work.