This diary entry may be shorter or longer—I'm uncertain how much I will write.
Today may have been the first time I experienced what it's like to be high, though Lu initially denied it. Eventually, he admitted that I probably was. The original plan was to begin looking for housing, as I am effectively being forced to leave my current home and need to be out by June.
The day began as usual—attending classes, then preparing for my work shift at 3PM. After class, I stayed at the library to finish some homework. Lu arrived unexpectedly, and after completing a few simple tasks, I went with him to his car. Once again, he asked me to drive. He had made me do so on Monday as well, when I went through a drive-thru at Burger King for the first time. This time, I was on a different road—less familiar and not the highway—so I focused intensely on staying in the correct lane. Lu had to redirect me a few times when I drifted or got too carried away with concentrating. Around 12:40PM, Lu resumed driving since we were on our way to speak with his mother about the possibility of me staying temporarily at their home while I searched for housing. Unfortunately, we were late—she was already heading to work. She didn't speak to me directly, but she told Lu she was uncomfortable with us being alone in the house, assuming we would end up having sex. She wasn't entirely wrong.
We followed her briefly, then stopped by a place for potential housing support, but it was closed due to a staff meeting. Lu scanned a QR code and found that it was actually a center specializing in support for victims of domestic abuse—which isn't my situation. From there, we visited two or three other places based on referrals, being sent from one office to another. Eventually, we ended up at a public housing complex, which I had been hoping to avoid. A woman there listened to my situation and handed me some paperwork to fill out and return on Tuesday, explaining that she was currently managing another case. It felt discouraging, but I suppose it was a start.
Afterward, we got back into Lu's car. He was using his vape and offered it to me, instructing me to inhale and hold it in. I did as he said. Almost immediately, I felt detached from my body—my legs felt numb, like I couldn't sense them even though I knew they were there. It was an intensely dissociative sensation. Lu stayed near the car door to make sure I didn't try to stand, warning me that I might fall if I did. This marked my second experience with vaping, the first having occurred on Monday.
Later, we went to a pharmacy to get some documents printed for work-related purposes. While inside the establishment, visual detection systems identified an ICEE dispensing unit. Despite a prior directive to abstain from unnecessary caloric intake, an impulsive override occurred, resulting in a verbal request to acquire the beverage. I also saw a Cinnamoroll plush designed for graduation. I mentioned wanting it, and Lu bought it and said he would give it for me once I graduate from university. It was $15.99, I think. I tried to send an email to the pharmacy to process the document copies, but I struggled to focus—the lingering vape effects made it hard to read or type. Lu noticed and took my phone, composing and sending the email for me.
He also bought a pack of gummy candies shaped like straws, which we used to drink the ICEEs. The candy became firm from the cold drink, and I remarked that "the straw got hard", to which Lu jokingly responded that it was "as hard as his penis".
As we were heading back, I once again used the vape. This time, Lu instructed me to hold the vapor in my lungs to induce the dizzy sensation I had experienced earlier. I repeated this several times, unaware of how quickly we had arrived at the next city. Having just consumed an ICEE with a gummy straw, combined with the vanilla flavor of the vape, I began to feel intensely dizzy—nearly nauseous—and completely out of sorts.
Lu took me to Burger King and ordered a bacon double burger for me. He also purchased an Oreo shake, which I hadn't requested but accepted regardless. Almost immediately, I felt extremely fatigued, as if I could fall asleep at any moment. I became so detached from myself that I felt I shouldn't move, fearing I might vomit. My arms were weak as I ate the burger, and though I expected to be sick, oddly enough, the Oreo shake helped alleviate the nausea—even though the sugar from the gummy straw may have contributed to it in the first place.
I'm still unsure whether I was actually high. All I know is that we sat in the parking lot for about fifteen minutes while I remained weak and drowsy. When we were ready to leave, I gave Lu a goodbye kiss and, for some reason, I remarked, "You smell like my genitals". I said this because he had that familiar scent he often carries during or after sex, even though we hadn't been intimate at all today. In fact, aside from the goodbye kiss, we hadn't kissed at all. My mind was preoccupied with everything surrounding the move and the uncertainty ahead.
Oddly, child services became involved in the housing situation, which didn't make much sense considering I am 20 years old. Everything felt overwhelmingly confusing, and possibly being high certainly didn't help clarify matters. When I made the comment about the scent, Lu looked confused and said, "Yeah, I think you're high". It seems the combination of my medication, a Monster energy drink, and the sugary snacks may have contributed to that effect—but again, I'm still unsure. This was only my second time vaping.
After saying goodbye, I exited the car and walked away somewhat awkwardly and quickly. I stopped at a restroom to look at myself in the mirror and noticed that my pupils were dilated—not drastically, but noticeably. I returned to my workplace and sat quietly for ten minutes until the effects seemed to wear off. Once they did, I no longer felt tired or disoriented. Everything felt normal again, as if the episode had never occurred. I spent the remainder of my shift filling out the housing application forms for the public housing complex.