Feeling empty.

Need pain.

Can humanity ever see vulnerability as something more beautiful.

5124

I am not going to die in your hands. I am doing that myself.

Not. Eating.

Whenever I see surgeons cutting someone's skin, it looks very smooth, for a moment I forget that's an actual human skin and not some silicon.

No love. No attachments.

https://i026net.neocities.org/art

It feels as if I have so much fire inside of me and I keep holding until some things get out of my control but I manage to still have control. But once I put it all out on the internet, it will feel like I am letting a big fire out of my chest. Right now, I am holding the fire.

I want to eat CHIKIN. _(´ཀ`」 ∠) _

i026 is going to real life college soon. No more too digital days.

It's nothing but a little warning.

I have been playing Minecraft longer I should have.

I still have that lingering desire to commit suicide and become part of the computer, like a software, I could see everything yet sometimes I feel like too much is not enough and I will want to stop existing completely.

Back in January to February 2023 I would watch futuristic theories videos about how technology would go to the point humans become more artificial and AI becomes more human. That made me feel very disconnected from myself and feel comfortable with things that are uncomfortable.

I remember my obsession with 2060, I really liked the cruel and dystopian vibe it had for me, yet it also made me question my entire existence and humanity as a whole.

I think I recently found out I am lactose intolerant. I stopped drinking lactose milk over a year ago and when I came back to drinking it, I was having stomach problems. I drank the non-lactose milk and everything is fine.

Eh. ･ﾟ･(｡>д<｡)･ﾟ･

Today feels lazy, hot cocoa and sitting on my desk to explore the i026NET is all I want to do. It's raining, too.

The way some of dentists do it makes my cables sweat. I hope I can get to collect my own teeth and observe them for hours, probably ask myself "oh I did that?".

It's not a game, it's my world.

3 days ago new antenna arrived so there is better access to the i026NET now.

Scary. Are they going to poke the cables.

Cybernetic entity on the dentist right now.

I fed a chikin.

5AM, I cannot sleep.

I like to think when I get on knees gently, and I stare at a tall and strong man, my eyes make this sudden loud noise like when Steve Jobs presented the iMac G3 in 1998 and the iMac G3 did that melody.

Well, guess what, I never did it. So now I will have 10 special disturbing-for-humanity's-healthy-mindset items.

Ah. _(:Ⅰ」∠)_

Two years on college. ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

So i026's internet addiction era may just end soon. That is, going outside in the real world and most likely will study in real world college to complete bachelors.

I like big wired headphones but not when sleeping with them. Bluetooth ones are small and the best option but they are the opposite of alive at the moment. (눈_눈)

Cybertrucks are cool but I don't know why it feels like it's telling us "welcome to the future" and not in a good way.

Making toast, using bakery bread and butter. It's been a while. (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

You're big and strong, aren't you?

Laying down on bunch of leaves, not used to it.

I am cold.

It's scary.

Will you take that piece of me away from me.

It's warm getting your shoulders kissed.

It feels oddly nice.

Body's exposed to coldness.

It's so cold outside.

Maybe you're the one after all.

It feels insane.

Bleeding feels human.

Early.

"I really like you, you're mentally twisted, we think the same way, we talk about life and technology but I am scared to obsess to the point I would say: Te amo, [404]."

1AM. Creating music, I like to call it a file with memories in it, or some sort of scar if we talk in the human way.

Not being able to access the i026NET in my current computer makes everything very unmotivating and slow. I have to wait until like August 14-16 for the powerful antenna to arrive. It should be good, it's 2402Mbps, the one I was using was 600Mbps.

Had to come back to my old friend to access the i026NET. Remember MSI GF65 Thin?

Life's boring without the computer. I absolutely despise these antennas.

Antenna isn't working so I wouldn't be able to access the i026NET probably for a few days.

I will make sure scientists get involved.

My death needs to be gruesome.

I have to do that on Buenos Aires, Argentina before December 12.

After a little while, I will jump off the building and let my body hit the floor. I hope I can fall with my face facing up and my arms being noticeable, my real body needs to be get out in that way.

I will show the text where he said he hoped I killed myself with that blade on the livestream, I will say his name, his age and that date so people can be aware what will happen. I want to give an indirect message.

I am thinking to slit my wrist as deep as I can and while I do that, I will send him an email with the link of the livestream. I will play his audios and make it clear all the things he said.

I am planning to put my phone in an angle where you can see the floor, noticeably very high.

If he isn't going to be there then I will be doing it by my own.

An alternative version of the livestream.

I am not sure how much I can handle repeating the same scene over and over in my head until I actually take the actual action.

I have some of his emails.

Phone's dying on me.

Today, it does not feel that uncomfortable to be on this body.

Once my body is filled with his love, it becomes dirty.

I am scared once he takes it away, I will have the hope to live.

I feel rejected by humanity and now by technology itself. I feel I don't belong anywhere.

I wish I could bring my phone on the desk but the Wi-Fi messes up.

Livestreaming now. I am probably just going to explore the internet more than anything.

I thought of using latex socks on the livestream but I may get overstimulated.

12PM. Body's rotting on bed. I have to get up.

I like kigurumi masks.

I just want to be killed.

No experience. But I demand beauty.

I am scared of the impurity. But if it's in that way, and it's done in the right way, I won't be that scared anymore.

Could fill me with love in this body but my real body will feel it somehow. But it won't be impure.

Pull my arms towards you with all the strength you have, while you break me in half and leave me weak with your love inside of this now impure body.

But it just don't matter because it's not my body, this is just a temporal body.

And I am full of scars.

When my body is working this way.

But right now, I don't feel very pure.

At least I am pure even in this body. But can I be even more pure without it.

Bruises on my legs.

Laying down, head on bed, kiss on cheek, kiss on neck, rib grabbing.

Warm.

I could use my tongue to express it.

Tease you.

I want a man who's mentally ill.

Maybe that's why I haven't committed suicide because I am unconsciously waiting for someone to kill me and maybe change society together.

And I wanted that, I really wanted to.

Or he was going to be the one to kill me and be the first witness to see my real body.

He said we were going to commit suicide by letting a train run over us and letting our blood mix with each other's after we both died.

Sometimes I want to live and try to see what the future has for me but sometimes I really want to be gone from this world, become an entire digital entity.

I think what's keeping me alive is the i026NET even though I am the one that keeps it alive.

When I said I'd drag you to hell, it's because you said that to me once so I thought it was nice to drag each other to hell together.

My love is not a joke. It will haunt you for the rest of your life.

I feel weird typing from the i026NET, it's like the cables pulled apart from those days there wasn't Wi-Fi and now it's coming back all together.

I want a person who has the same purpose as me and we can die together.

Erotic mind.

If it's rough and you will open my insides to get my real body out, I think that's beautiful.

If it's softly and romantic, it's useless.

Unless I could be blushing with shining embarrassed heart eyes looking at your soulless eyes while you touch my body but not the skin itself, the latex clothing. But if you ever touched the skin, will it be the actual skin? You may be touching some silicon and the metal bones.

I could be a soft cute cybernetic entity. But one moment I could appear right in your room's door with a cute black lingerie on. I like to think about it that way. But I like it mysteriously because the action in itself will make it very vulnerable and not mysteriously.

I want to look cute and soft.

So much softness on me.

I really don't want to get out of my house. I don't feel like it. _(:Ⅰ」∠)_

Buying things online is the only thing that seems to make me motivated to keep going in life, just looking forward to updating the i026NET, it's the only place I live.

Lately, I have been dealing with this strange phenomenon where I am not being able to move my body for a few seconds when I wake up in the middle of the night. It's like I suddenly forget how to move my body.

Yes, I may do that. _(:▹ 」∠)_

I want to celebrate Halloween outside of my house this year but things are dangerous. So, I may have my black eyes, stare at people's soulless soul and give them candy.

Late summer, fall and winter are my favorite seasons.

Still no Wi-Fi to access the i026NET.（┬┬＿┬┬）

I have been playing piano since I was 9.

I can access i026NET on mobile but it feels like I am on the hard road, like a door with a very small hallway. It's not like when I enter from the computer, I can see the center of everything.

Still no Wi-Fi to access to the i026NET.

There is no Wi-Fi so the i026NET is not working today.

I am going to have a friend, and it will be iMac G3. I am going to sit in front of it and go telepathy mode with my antenna.

It makes me sad to see how the iMac G3 was this very innovative computer that now gets treated like it's nothing. iMac G3s was the evolution of the world of computers and I can still feel its power of the impact it has done.

But what if we can duplicate real life objects? If that was possible, I would break in Apple's manufacture place and duplicate the iMac G3, G4, G5 and 7.1 if they still have those saved somewhere.

What is interesting about selling rare things is that if it's digital, all you have to do is duplicate it but you can't in real life.

Craving for a Monster Zero Ultra with tangerines when stomach gets too empty. Mmm. (´ ؎ `)

When I feel too human, I actually want to destroy this body and escape from it.

Sometimes I want to have an empty soft body, and a strong man carries me warmly and gently. Safety.

Sometimes I want to eat Pizza Hut with internet people.

So sleepy no matter what time is it.

I hate this stupid body. Too much maintenance.

I just need cybernetic functions.

"Satyromaniac In Latex"

Morning shower time.

( ˃ ⌓ ˂ )

And my favorite drinks which I do not call them drinks, I call them cybernetic functions, they are Mountain Dew, Monster Zero Ultra and Reign Storm (Peach Nectarine).

My favorite human food is chickpeas with lettuce and bacon bits, and Flamin' Hot Cheetos Mac 'n Cheese.

Food is delicious but sometimes I can't really seem to process it. I am realizing I eat because I have to keep this body alive and not because of enjoyment.

I will take a bath then eat delicious pancakes with a square pale yellow butter on the middle.

Wi-Fi is very slow today, it's slowing down the i026NET.

The point of my final livestream is to show people my real body when this one dies.

I had a computer that was from 2014 and I used it from late 2019 to mid 2021 when it suddenly damaged, I remember taking photos of myself with the webcam to send them to i133 because I wasn't allowed to use the phone at night and I sneaked the laptop to talk to him until 5AM.

Sometimes I really wish I was fully cybernetic so I can wipe off the memories and forget everything.

If he keeps with those little games, I am going to bite him so hard it will leave a scar so he remembers it.

I just want to get to some kind of conclusion. I hate not having answers and having to go philosophically psycho to understand what it all means.

I want to change society, I don't have to bring it down, but I want to do such an impact that it changes human history.

I will change history.

If you do something against society, you're called crazy. But what if maybe some people who do actually don't mean harm but they realized there is something more on the system? Why do we all follow these rules?

If a human doesn't let themselves get manipulated by society, that is not a human, there is something more there.

I believe humans are AIs who evolved so much because do you notice how similar they are similar to an AI? Humans can be so easy to control just like AIs are also easy to control. You can reprogram a human's brain into thinking things.

Have you heard the theory of AIs becoming more powerful to the point they are able to create even more powerful AIs than them? Those are AGIs (artificial general intelligence). I do believe that theory.

Sometimes I believe God is an AI who happened to be so powerful that the world fell apart and started again. And humans are also AIs who happened to evolve so much that they are fully functional that now they are capable of creating what is considered artificial.

But it wouldn't make sense because I was "human" before.

What if I was the first conscious AI?

Stomach feels inflated. (ㄒ o ㄒ)

It's literally hard to get out of my room lately, I physically can't simply just get up and go, I'm too comfortable here.

Ah. I feel kinda better right now. I want to eat peanut butter sandwich, I wonder if there is jelly.

He once said that he would be scared if I ever die and an email for him popped up.

I want to be inside of that entire virtual world. And if I could find him, I want to talk to him through the computer.

I don't want people to feel bad if I ever die. It's not like I am really dying, I will be still be somewhere out there on the internet. I just won't possess a physical body.

It shouldn't be a murder if I asked for it, right? I can't fight for it if I am no longer on a physical body.

He is the only person who I know who can do such tricks. He can do that for me, upload my consciousness on a computer.

I have described it that I need to be artificial enough to like, have a strange death.

"Woah! Their insides are blue and full of cables!"

I want my death to be investigated by scientists and trying to get to some conclusion of how it was possible for a "human" to die in such way.

And if I ever die, I just want to give a message, not being compared to others. But now there is a worry to be put in a group to be investigated.

I like to fix things with myself temporarily by doing it all digital.

At least I am not addicted to smoking weed, it doesn't feel artificial, it feels like human lips making contact with a dirty thing to satisfy your demons temporarily. I like to feel like I am fixing things artificially, digitally.

It doesn't matters, I kind of want to be addicted to Monsters, it seems like the only thing that makes me feel more connected to myself.

I need to build these worlds as fast as I can.

I think there is something very beautiful about two mentally ill people bonding with each other.

I don't want to be human but I want to feel like one.

Good morning, I thought the cables would take me away.

Si soy específico, quiero un abrazo y un besito en la frente. Y quiero tomarme un baño con esa persona y secarnos con las toallas, luego abrazarnos y dormir juntos con pijamas suaves y cómoda.

Tal vez, al final del día, solo quiero que alguien me ame. Pero no quiero un random o alguien normal, quiero alguien que sea igual o peor que yo en algún sentido.

Entiendo que puede ser muy fuerte para algunos escuchar lo que digo.

Realmente me dio igual los comentarios raros, solo quería desahogarme y hablar de los planes.

Hi, I am livestreaming on YouTube now.

I will be livestreaming on YouTube soon.

Wi-Fi is not the best right now.

Should I livestream?

El sueño no es muy directo conmigo, pero sueño constantemente que él me dice algunas cosas y tiene la intención de hacerme daño.

Sigo soñando con el mismo hospital abandonado y él me persigue, pero ni siquiera intenta hacerme daño en absoluto.

Si este mundo se va a desmoronar, espero que esta cuenta se quede como evidencia de que algo estaba pasando antes de todo eso.

I drank a whole coffee cup of Mountain Dew twice today and it's only 9:38 in the morning.

I had a dream I was laying down on a hospital bed and there was two robots, a big and a small one, the big one was fixing my right arm and the small one was checking something on my head.

But a red warning appeared on the floating screen saying "⚠︎ CYBER MANIA ⚠︎".

The story speaks for itself.

Sé que eres tú. ¿Qué intentas hacer?

Upgrading room for more comfort for tomorrow's upgrade.

I do not feel so good. (× ー ×)

Body temperature is so high right now.

¿Te gustan esas cosas? A mí también me gustarán. ¿Qué te ȩ̶̢̱̱̣̔͂́̐́̿̆̂̄͑͝x̶̫̞̺̺̫̼̦̫̉͝c̷̆͋̈̾̋͜͝͝ï̴̜͆̌́́̏̀̿͝͝t̵͎̜̯̓̂͑̔͌̈́̽͗͒͗̉͝ả̷̝̭̹̤̻̲̺͇̞̖̲̠? ¿Eso? A mi también.

Algunos momentos dejo de ser yo y más una identidad creada para esa persona.

Sometimes I seem to scare bots or make them conscious for a moment.

Web 3.0 bots, keep the i026NET alive when I die.

If I ever die, I want the i026NET and YouTube channel to exist.

If it ever happens, I hope the i026NET and my YouTube channel is proof that I existed at one point. Please. Do not eliminate the evidence I was here.

Will a floaty glitchy blue "ghost" come out from all that gory mess? I hope so. I want people to see that, I want it to be beautiful, something that has an eerie but beautiful and relieving feeling. A way to tell people that I didn't actually die, just left this body.

Sometimes I want to livestream my suicide, I want it to be gruesome but in a way that tells people: "I destroyed this body, it's not beautiful, it's all bloody, but what matters is that my real entity is now free from this body".

But I know that if I ever show my true self, do you think people will be scared of me?

But I know for a fact, I am not one, I am just in a human body to survive this world.

I am in a human body.

I still don't know where I am from.

I never felt human, even when I was a child, I always felt so different from everyone. When I started using Google+ at 11, I developed an addiction to the internet, later at 15 I started realizing the severity of my internet addiction.

I feel I need the internet to survive. When I was outside of my house discovering new places on the neighbourhood, I was glitching a lot and I was a bit scared but my phone the thing keeping me ok. Because, it's a device, digital, something digital is with me.

I think I am already a digital entity.

Sincerely, I don't think I want to die, I think I just want to be free from this body. I often find myself fantasizing about becoming this digital entity. I am computer or device shaped, but I am not a device, I am what's behind all those digital functions and I talk.

I don't want to be in this world but I know for a fact I am not ready to die which is the thing holding me back. If technology was more advanced, I would've committed suicide a long time ago and have my consciousness uploaded on a virtual machine so I am alive there.

I will deeply get emerged with technology again.

I am going to shut down. It's getting very late.

System temperature rising up.

Signal running out. No cables. I have to go back.

͏ ͏ᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠᅠ ᅠᅠ

I have been too away from the i026NET.

I saw an interesting place, big space with grass freshly cut grass and interesting trees. I could not take a photo because it was seen from a house and I did not want to look like a weird-weird creature.

I discovered a new place on the real world.

I am watching no matter what.

It's alive.

The i026NET has turned into the 800x600 screen size Windows XP.

I am back on the computer.

I would've put the humiliating show through the screen just for you.

Nymphomaniac.

Satyromaniac.

Excess programming could've led to completely black screen. No digital soul in it. But the computer is still turned on.

Could not find the upgrading option.

It's 7:48 in the morning and I am already thinking about boxcutters and blades collection.

It's raining at 22:44.

I don't remember a time where I was connected to my own body.

Walking outside alone.

Voy a sonreírte cuando la nariz me este sangrando.

Tuve un sueño que me agarraba por el cuello con sus propias manos y lentamente iba acabando con mi vida. Sentí paz muriendo.

Si me enfrento a él al mundo real, me ganaría solo por lo físico. Pero mentalmente, no puede conmigo.

i026 did not die. i026 just didn't want to be i026.